Lest this blog get all “Wedding wedding wedding!” already, I decided to talk about something completely different today.
Faith. A relevant topic since it’s Easter. And probably the one thing I am most confused about in life. See, I was raised as an Evangelical Christian, attending Baptist church, youth group, mission trips, Bible camp, and everything else that goes along with it. And as I grew up, I “grew” in my faith and I really believed in everything the Bible and the church taught. I prayed “the prayer” for salvation. I even read through the entire Bible on my own two separate times before I was in college. To this day, I think I still know the Bible a lot better than a majority of American Christians.
In college I started doubting and straying from the religion of my upbringing. It’s a typical age for this to happen, I know. Nevertheless, when I was in high school my faith was so rock-solid that I never thought that this would happen to me. Neither did anyone else, I think. I was sure that I would be one of the few that made it through the dangerous college years unscathed by the debauchery and unshaken in my beliefs.
It was never any one thing that happened or one moment when I stopped being a Christian. I really tried to work through my doubts and keep trying to believe. I was the Vice President of Hofstra (my alma mater) Christian Fellowship my sophomore year, and I went to church almost every week until I was a junior. But the whole time it was feeling less and less authentic to me. Friends, learning, travel, everything I experienced, in addition to my own soul searching, seemed to cast more doubt on things. It was a slow process, but one that eventually brought me very far from the faith of my youth. It brought me to the place I am today where I know I am not a Christian but I don’t know much else.
And it sucks. Know why? Because it’s scary. Being a Christian provided this awesome security blanket that was the declaration that if you accept Jesus as your savior, you are going to heaven! And when you stop believing in it, your security is gone. If I don’t know what I believe, then I have no freakin’ clue what will happen when I die. And that scares me to death. But I think the beauty of faith is that you can’t fake it. So even though I often wish that I could still believe in Christianity, that I could cover myself with that security blanket again, I can’t right now.
I do believe in God. I’m trying to figure stuff out, slowly but surely. Maybe the first step is knowing why I stopped believing in Christianity, and I think I’ve gotten that main reason sorted out in my brain. It’s a larger problem with religion in general. It’s this: How can any religion confidently insist that they are the only ones who believe the truth, when almost all (every?) other religions out there insist upon exactly the same thing???? Everyone is yelling “We’re right!” “No, we’re right!” yet the Bible and most other religious texts also state that humans are fallible…aka innately wrong. So how do you know?
I could go on into a lot more of my spiritual/religious musings and problems, but I think this has hit my main qualm and that’s all I wanted to do for now. So tell me, kind readers, does this make sense to you? If you have a particular “faith” how do you know that it is the truth, as opposed to all others?