On Doubt


Lest this blog get all “Wedding wedding wedding!” already, I decided to talk about something completely different today.

Faith.  A relevant topic since it’s Easter.  And probably the one thing I am most confused about in life.  See, I was raised as an Evangelical Christian, attending Baptist church, youth group, mission trips, Bible camp, and everything else that goes along with it.  And as I grew up, I “grew” in my faith and I really believed in everything the Bible and the church taught.  I prayed “the prayer” for salvation.  I even read through the entire Bible on my own two separate times before I was in college.  To this day, I think I still know the Bible a lot better than a majority of American Christians.

In college I started doubting and straying from the religion of my upbringing.  It’s a typical age for this to happen, I know.  Nevertheless, when I was in high school my faith was so rock-solid that I never thought that this would happen to me.  Neither did anyone else, I think.  I was sure that I would be one of the few that made it through the dangerous college years unscathed by the debauchery and unshaken in my beliefs.

Yeah right.

It was never any one thing that happened or one moment when I stopped being a Christian.  I really tried to work through my doubts and keep trying to believe.  I was the Vice President of Hofstra (my alma mater) Christian Fellowship my sophomore year, and I went to church almost every week until I was a junior.  But the whole time it was feeling less and less authentic to me.  Friends, learning, travel, everything I experienced, in addition to my own soul searching, seemed to cast more doubt on things.  It was a slow process, but one that eventually brought me very far from the faith of my youth.  It brought me to the place I am today where I know I am not a Christian but I don’t know much else.

And it sucks.  Know why?  Because it’s scary.  Being a Christian provided this awesome security blanket that was the declaration that if you accept Jesus as your savior, you are going to heaven!  And when you stop believing in it, your security is gone.  If I don’t know what I believe, then I have no freakin’ clue what will happen when I die.  And that scares me to death.  But I think the beauty of faith is that you can’t fake it.  So even though I often wish that I could still believe in Christianity, that I could cover myself with that security blanket again, I can’t right now.

I do believe in God.  I’m trying to figure stuff out, slowly but surely.  Maybe the first step is knowing why I stopped believing in Christianity, and I think I’ve gotten that main reason sorted out in my brain.  It’s a larger problem with religion in general.  It’s this:  How can any religion confidently insist that they are the only ones who believe the truth, when almost all (every?) other religions out there insist upon exactly the same thing????  Everyone is yelling “We’re right!” “No, we’re right!” yet the Bible and most other religious texts also state that humans are fallible…aka innately wrong.  So how do you know?

I could go on into a lot more of my spiritual/religious musings and problems, but I think this has hit my main qualm and that’s all I wanted to do for now.  So tell me, kind readers, does this make sense to you?  If you have a particular “faith” how do you know that it is the truth, as opposed to all others?

4 responses »

  1. Carrie,

    I can’t ready your blog and walk away. Jesus is the difference. No other religion has a God who provides a mean to overcome our sins, to mend the yearning in our hearts to connect with God. We either accept Jesus as a liar, a lunatic, or as Lord. There is no other choice. If we take Jesus, his death and resurrection out of Christianity, we have NOTHING left. Jesus is the ONLY means of a relationship with God. No other religion offers this. Take Budda out of Buddism and the teaching of Budda remains. The same is true of Hindu and all other religions. But take Jesus out of Christianity and you have no religion. There is nothing there.

    Christianity is the only religion that is based on a true personal relationship with God; we are given that relationship through the blood of Jesus: and He gives us the Holy Spirit to walk with us each day.

    Carrie, Christianity is the only religion based on grace and not works. Jesus tells us He is the Way, the Truth and the LIfe and that no one comes to the Father except through him.

    I urge you to read or listen to some of Lee Strobel’s books or tapes. An athesist turned Christian, his testimony and his research is reviting.

    Carrie, all of life is a spiritual battle — a battle between God and Satan. Satan doesn’t want you to remain in your faith. He wants you doubting God and Jesus as your Savior. I urge you Carrie, to go back to your roots. Read scripture, pray, kneel before God and ask Him to SHOW YOUR THE TRUTH. Open your heart and He WILL show you the truth.

    Praying for you as you walk this road of doubt and pray that God will reach down his arms and draw you back to him. He will if you seek him.

    Love in Christ,

      • Thanks for responding. I think all of us have doubts about our Christian walk from time to time. I know I did. I was like you, very active as a youth in my small church. One of the youth leader. But, I too, strayed away for many years. It wasn’t until I was 49 that I finally was able to get my life back on track — and Jesus is the center of my life today. My only regret is that I wasted so many years not walking closely to Him. Today He is Lord of my life and I rejoice.

        Hope you enjoy Lee Strobel. He has excellent books and videos.

        Listen to the still small voice — you will find your answers.


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