Childhood Myths

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…or, Lies My Mom and Grandma Told Me Which It Took Me Way Too Long to Realize ARE NOT TRUE

1. Bay leaves are poisonous.  OMG this is embarrassing.  But I just recently bought some bay leaves and was using one in some spaghetti sauce.  When I served it I told Zach to make sure to watch out for the bay leaf and not eat it.  He was like, “Why?”   “Because they’re poisonous,” I said.  He proceeded to laugh uproariously at me and ask, logically, “If they’re poisonous, why do you cook with them?????????”  Then he ate the bay leaf!!!  And HE DIDN’T DIE.

2. Hiccups mean you’re tired.  I don’t even know where this came from, but every time I got the hiccups as a child my mom would tell me I must be tired and should take a nap.  It wasn’t until a couple years ago, sitting at a bar with Bryan, Justine, and a cute hockey player I was supposed to get along with (this was before I met Zach) that I learned that this was not true.  How did I learn this?  By drinking a tall beer, getting the hiccups and then saying something incredibly dumb, like, “Oh, I guess I am kind of tired.”  Of course they were all like “What????” and laughed at me.

3. Bees can’t sting you if you’re swinging.  My sister and I were incredibly TERRIFIED of getting stung by bees when we were kids.  This, also, came from my mom, who passed her horrible fears along to us.  It was so bad that anytime we even saw a bee anywhere in the yard we would run inside, panicking.  Finally, one day, my grandma told us that if we saw a bee we should just “Stay still until it goes away, or go swing on your swing-set, because bees can’t sting you if you’re swinging.”  Oh Grandma, your distracting suggestion was taken as GOSPEL TRUTH and we believed for many, many years that there was some awesome bee-proof forcefield around our swing-set, and that as long as we were on it, THEY COULD NOT GET US.  From then on, anytime we saw a bee anywhere in the yard, we would CHARGE to the swings and start madly pumping as hard as we could.

Call me gullible, call me blonde, whatever.  The real question is this:  Why did you tell me these things Mom????  You don’t really believe them, do you???   (#3 I kind of understand.  It was a good distraction for us.  I don’t thing Grandma meant us to take it so seriously!)

What silly lies did your parents tell you when you were a kid?

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