“Stupid Ways I Have Injured Myself in Life” or “Wow, I’m a Klutz, I Should Wear a Helmet”

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In honor of my possibly-broken finger which is making it hurt to type this, I decided to do a short but funny (I hope) Friday post!

1. Action: I went down a slide on my Dad’s lap when I was 3 or 4 and my foot got twisted between his leg and the side of the slide. 

Injury: It was probably not even sprained but I refused to walk for days afterwards and apparently my parents had to spank me to force me to stop crawling.  What can I say, I was a drama queen from a young age.

2. Action: As a tiny kid I sat on a slippery patio chair while wet from swimming, slid through the slats in the chair, and hit my eyebrow on something. 

Injury: I have a vague horrible memory of being held down in a doctors office while people bandaged my owie.

 3. Action: In kindergarten we went sledding on a small hill on my parents’ old Radio Flyers.  I went down by myself for the first time but neglected to realize I did not know how to steer!  The sled started veering left toward a metal fence, oh no!  I was too paralyzed by fear to roll off, so I slammed into the fence face first.

Injury: I lost my first tooth!  No, it hadn’t really been loose before that either.  But the Tooth Fairy still comes even if she wasn’t expecting it.

 4. Action: In elementary school I was playing in our kiddie pool and kicked the side really hard.  My big toe started hurting.  A couple days later in swim classes I jumped into the pool and landed on the same toe.

Injury: Broken toe.  This somehow was taken seriously enough for me to get to ride in a wheelchair in the ER.  Pimp!!!  They did nothing but buddy tape my toe to the next one and I decorated the tape with glued-on sequins.

 5. Action: Another time in elementary school I was riding my bike down the sidewalk going FAST, like I liked to.  All of a sudden some people came out of nowhere!  I had to swerve to avoid them and crashed into the sidewalk face first.

Injury:  Broken ends of my two front teeth, leading to much frustration in life as I had to get them capped and the caps tend to break off every few years or so, when I’m doing an extreme activity such as, say…eating.

 6. Action: Again sometime in elementary school, I was playing with our green Fisher Price tractor (remember those?).  I was pushing it around and it spun out of control and started rolling down a hill, at the end of which was a steep embankment.  I didn’t want it to fly off the embankment and break, so I did a flying dive to catch it, and jammed my finger into the ground.

Injury: The tractor survived the embankment.  Those things are tough.  I broke my finger and got buddy-taped again.

 7. Action:  Sometime in elementary school when I was way too big too be riding a tricycle, I thought it would be fun to STAND on the back of our little red tricycle, hold the handlebars, and go down the big hill on our street.  I careened down the bumpy sidewalk for a second before flying off into the grass and landing on my arm.

Injury: This is when my parents should have stopped taking me to the ER.  They always took me every time there was the slightest hint I might have broken something.  Of course my arm wasn’t broken.

 8. Action: When I was 10 or so I was doing jumps on the balance beam in my gymnastics class.  I was doing really well at landing them and got cocky as I neared the end of the beam.  I tried my jump a wee bit higher and lost my balance.  As I fell I slammed my chin into the metal support holding up the beam.

Injury:  Chin cut open from hitting so hard.  4 stitches and an attractive Band-Aid on my chin for a week.  It was ok.  All the cool kids had gotten stitches.  Oh, and they put padding on those supports after that.

 9. Action:  Also as a younger kid, my dad used to pick us up by one arm and one leg and swing us around in circles.  Woo, it was fun!  Until one time he was doing it and I felt my shoulder pop out of place.  A second later it popped back in.  It took him a second to put me down though because he mistook my screams of pain for screams of glee.  Eesh.

Injury: Thankfully it popped back in on its own but it definitely hurt for a couple days.

—If memory serves me correctly I took a bit of a break from being accident-prone in high school.  Probably because band and theater were my “sports”, lol.  But soon I was at it again… —

10. Action:  I was working at Chick-fil-a the summer after my high school graduation.  (Yes, I was a winner.)  I was literally CLOCKING OUT and stupidly playing with the swinging door next to the computer and of course I got my thumb caught in it.

Injury:  I thought it might be broken ’cause it hurt really bad.  I tried not to go to the ER but my parents made me.  As I knew by then, the action of going to the ER guaranteed it wasn’t broken.

 11. Action:  In college I was Assistant Directing on a super-stressful film shoot (made so by the completely disorganized Director and Producer) over 3 consecutive 12 hour days.  On our second day at 6am we were hurriedly setting up lights.  Some A-HOLE IDIOT apparently missed “Intro to Standing Things Up 101” and decided to set up a heavy metal lightstand without pulling out the tripod-legs.  How this lightstand EVER was standing upright in the first place is beyond me because it was not at all balanced or secured.  Of course I walked by it on one side as someone bumped it from the other side and it came crashing down with the top part knocking me directly in the side of the skull.

Injury: My head was bleeding and I think I was definitely disoriented on the ground for a couple seconds.  I’m pretty sure it was a mild concussion and it hurt pretty bad.  I basically sat around icing my head all day and drinking the wine coolers after they were done being used as props in a scene.  And instead of pushing him down a flight of stairs, I graciously hid my anger and even gave A-HOLE IDIOT a ride back to campus at the end of the day.  But I still hold a grudge in my mind.

 12. Action: Right before I left for Peace Corps I won a 2-week free gym trial.  I hadn’t been working out much before that but I started ellipticizing every day.  Although I wasn’t being excessive and I used elliptical machines all through college with no problems, all of a sudden both of my ankles got swollen and huge.

Injury: The swelling and pain lasted a few weeks, all through my staging, horribly long plane travel toTanzania, and the first few weeks in country.  I apparently managed to sprain both of them, according to the Peace Corps nurse.  Advil was the only way to deal with that in a country with no ice.

 13. Action: After returning from Peace Corps I went back to work at Mellow Mushroom.  One glorious evening someone spilled a bunch of ice in the back and the floor was slippery.  Of course I chose the moment I had a drink in each hand to slip on the floor, have my legs go out from under me, and totally bite it HARD onto my tailbone, drinks flying in the air and landing all over me.

Injury: I limped through the rest of my shift and my tailbone hurt for weeks…it may or may not have been broken.  I had no insurance at this point so no way I was going to the ER.  People kept telling me I needed to sit on a donut but I refused.  The best memory from this time period is one of Zach’s friends’ old alcoholic father who lived with him and looked like Santa asking me “Hey Carrie, how’s your ass?” every time he saw me for weeks.  He was like half dirty old man, half charming and genuinely concerned.

 14. Action: Snowboarding injuries in the past year.  These aren’t quite as stupid.  I just went too hard too fast when learning.

Injuries: A pulled oblique muscle which hurt for weeks and kept me up at night causing me pain when I rolled over.  And my “wrand” as I call it, a probably-sprained wrist from landing on it.

lucky you, i have a picture of my "wrand"!

15. Action: Last week I was in a rush leaving the house for work.  The garage door button wasn’t working so I hurriedly pulled it down manually.  In that process somehow my fingers ended up in one of the cracks and I epicly failed at pulling them out in time. 

Injury: My right ring fingertip is now twice the size of its counterpart and the nail is black and blue.  Again, it could be broken, but I don’t go to the ER for all my pointlessly stupid injuries anymore.

 Wow, this didn’t end up very short!  Now I must stop typing ‘cause my finger really hurts!  Hope you enjoyed my incredibly random list!

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2 responses »

  1. omg Carrie – this made me laugh out loud over my lunch break – what a nice treat! I am laughing at the WAY you tell the story – not laughing at you FOR getting the injuries! I would suggest maybe you should start being more careful…although you’ve made it alive thus long so you’re probably good to go. Love ya girl!

  2. Wow! I thought I was the only one who was able to do this… May 1, 2011, I went swimming with my best friend. There were probably 40 blue pool noodles where we were at. I got up to get one for each of us, then I got the brilliant idea to grab about 15 if them, lay them in the pool, then jump in. It all happened so quick. Next thing I knew, I was screaming and my best friend was holding me in the water because I couldn’t stand. When my mom picked me up, I told her the story. We went to the hospital and they said it MIGHT have fractured. They referred to the Orthopaedic and he showed us the 2 inch long bone chip on the outside of my foot. (It was my right one) After almost 2 months, I was almost healed up and by now in a walking boot. I managed to be a double-winner and slip in the shower, giving me a hairline fracture on the complete other side of my foot. That finally healed, but after another month-and-a-half of crutches and no weight on it. Now, my foot is 99%, and I am walking without a boot, and I am back to taekwondo again. Being -this close- to a black belt, I do some pretty crazy stuff, especially for a foot that I am still learning not to limp on. Oh, and I remember the exact date of my brake because I had a TKD tournament the day before. I won second place and I guess the next day I was still giddy about it. At least going into middle school this year, I get the reputation of the redhead smart enough to brake my foot at a swimming pool! And people wonder how I was Student of the Year…. All in all, I’m glad my best friend was able to pick me up. Thanks Darian! Love ya, girl!

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